Sunday, September 23, 2012

Burning both ends of the midnight candle

I am learning something in my old age (and I am only thirty-one)...

I can no longer handle burning both ends of the midnight candle. I am not a teenager with limitless energy anymore. I am getting older and I need my sleep.

That being said I have another issue. I cannot sleep lately. This last weekend I had friends over and they suggested drinking. A part of me thought, "A night of drinking is usually followed by a night of serious sleep!" So I was on board and we had a blast!

Then, I went to bed. I didn't fall asleep until after 4:30 in the morning and I woke up no less than seven times in between 4:30 a.m. and 8:30 a.m. when I woke up and got out of bed!

To make matters worse, I am barely writing right now. I am so tired and exhausted that even writing this blog post is a chore! I mean really! Who is so tired that typing a blog post is hard?


I have finally had to accept that I won't get book two out by October 1st. That was my goal but at this point it has been with my editor for over two months. Even if she got it to me RIGHT NOW I wouldn't have the time to fix it, edit it, have her re-read it, and then finish it up. I could work 24-7 on it and still not have the time. I am a little upset by this and a lot sad but I also know this is just how things go sometimes. I WANT to do things in a certain time frame but things prevent that from happening. I have to accept that and move really isn't worth dwelling over after all...

On a different note, I realized this weekend that a huge reason for not meeting new friends and/or retaining them is my husband. I love the man to death but he isn't the most sociable person in the world. He is fine with it being just me and the kiddo's all of the time. But, I AM a sociable person and I LOVE having people around me! I don't know if he does it on purpose or if he is just that socially inept, but my husband is the master at making people feel uncomfortable around him.

Take last night for example. We were drinking with some of my friends and one of them mentioned going, let me pause here and say that I wouldn't have let her leave because she had been drinking...But my husband...he put the fear of God into her for asking it. I am actually a lot worried that she isn't going to feel comfortable coming around anymore because of that situation. He could have just said no and left it at that but he didn't. He took it too far and scared the beegeezers out of her...I know I wouldn't keep going to someones house if their spouse scared me or made me feel uncomfortable. So, now I am a little worried that I am going to lose a friend because my husband is an ass...The worst part is I would even understand.

Anyhow, on the writing front...not much is happening. I am hoping to have a ton more time to write when my cousin starts beauty school next week but I am not holding my breath until she actually starts and gets her butt to school! So much could go wrong between here and next week! BUT, if she does start on time, and things go according to plan, I will have 30 hours a week to devote to my writing! I am so excited!

Now I just have to sit back and see what twists and turns life is going to throw at me this week!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Sometimes it is frustrating

Oh, I know my husband is just trying to make a living for our family...but sometimes, I would like to see him more than I do. He leaves for work before 6am and normally doesn't get home until after 7pm...sometimes, he works as late as midnight!!!

Sigh, I am missing on my hubby. The kiddo's are being good and I really don't have much to complain about but I want to see the man I love. I am getting to be snappy and growly when he is around because he is gone so much. I want to be with him and be happy about it!

It is hard on the kiddo's too. My hubby walked through the door and basically turned around and walked right back out to go back to work. He was home for less than five minutes! The kiddo's are so used to it that when he said "I have to go back to work" they just said "Bye Daddy!" and went about their business.

I am basically a single parent Monday through Friday. I do it all...on the weekends, my husband lets me sleep in (because he is awake before the girls are anyhow) and we try to get a little time together...

TMI WARNING!!!! We haven't had sex in at least two weeks! He is always so tired and I know he needs his sleep. Which means, I go without...a lot!

This week isn't helping things either. I thought I would get time to write but instead I have been too busy to just sit down and write! I am hoping things improve soon though...if they don't I may never get this done! I literally haven't written a WORD in my books in over a week! How am I supposed to get them done if I don't have the time to write them!

I should be the worlds biggest hypocrite and write a self help book about time management...hehe! No really! I am good at managing my time! If I wasn't, I still wouldn't have the time to blog and would be forced to be otherwise occupied!

The worst part about all of this is that I am so tired. I am running off of 5-7 hours of sleep a night and I am SOOO ready for the weekend. Tomorrow, I swear, I am finishing laundry and then sitting down and writing! I have so many scenes in my head that need to get out! Could you imagine having Lord of the Rings 1, 2, AND 3 running through your head all at the same time? Well, that is how I am feeling right now!

Weird...there are so many things that happened this last week and so many more things I could write about...but...I just want to pull up Tia's Folly and get to writing. So, I guess Tia is calling my name...maybe I can squeeze an hour of writing in...humm....sacrifice an hour of sleep to write for an hour? Yep...gonna do it!