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Friday, January 18, 2013

Losing the battle...

     I just can't adequately explain to someone what it is like to be bi-polar. The ups, the downs...what it is like to sleep for 10 hours, force yourself out of bed only to nap the day away.

     Some people believe bi-polar people are "just lazy" but let me tell you, that just isn't true.

     Today, I got out of bed. I didn't roll out of bed like a normal person...I have three alarms set and I barely dragged my ass out of bed. I felt like I had had no sleep, I felt like the worst thing in the world I could do was get out of bed. But, I have kids. They are the only reason I am not still sleeping.

     So, I got the kids to school, I ran some paperword into Anoka....and I did it that way because I knew, if I waited, I would procrastinate on getting it done until it was too late. And the paperwork HAD to be in today! I came home, and nada. I made coffee...Does that count?

     I want to have energy, I want to feel normal...but bi-polar isn't giving me that option. I feel like I just need to sleep. I have NO energy. And if I get up for too long, I feel sick.

     This, my friends, is a bi-polar depressive episode. Luckily for me, I am a rapid cycling bi-polar. I am not likely to stay down for too long. But, in the days/weeks/sometimes months where I go through these cycles, I feel like I am a failure. I have a job to do (take care of my family) and I don't feel like I do a very good job when I am in one of these phases.

    The best news for me is that I AM seeing a therapist right now. So, I can document this and moniter how long it lasts. I am so freaking tired though!!!! Looking at this screen is hurting my eyes.

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