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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The frustrations just keep mounting.

     I love the teenagers in my home...no really...I do.

But...

     They all have at least one annoying quality that is starting to drive me insane. One of them cannot be respectful for the life of her. She is snarky, rude, disrespecful, and just plain bitchy about 90% of the time...and if she gets off of her ass once a week to do something, you should be so grateful that she did anything for you. She has been getting worse and worse and it is at the point that I am calling in her parents to take care of it. I have tried to be nice...but OH MY GOD!!!! The amount of evil coming off of this girl is amazing. There is nothing I can say or do that is right! She is always mean to my kids and she flaunts the fact that she is breaking the few rules I have in my face!!! This is beyond teenage rebellion...This is outright, complete and total disrespect for a person.

     Another one of the teenagers just about has a panic attack at every little turn in life. She has been taught that everything is a "major" crisis and doesn't know how to handle even the tiniest bit of drama. AND she is sneaky, she lies to your face, and she will go behind your back to find out what you are doing or what you are saying. She opened a letter I wrote to her mother because I wouldn't tell her what was in it. I just asked her to deliver it because her parents don't like me. But, she couldnt' just deliver it. She HAD to open it and see what was inside...and I have a feeling she knows where everything in my house is better than I do.

     The final teenager has so little self-confidence that it actually gets annoying. She will sit there and say the dumbest of things about herself and her abilities. Of everything in this world, she believes she will fail at anything she tries to do...Doesn't matter what it is...she believes she is a failure. AND THE WORST PART???? She will fight with you about being a failure! It is so ingrained into her brain that she honestly believes she isn't worthy of anything. Somedays I just want to scream and shake her until she snaps out of this and can look in the mirror and see the person she really is! Oh, and my main pet peeve? She laughs about not doing the (very) few chores she has and just blames it on being lazy! Grr...not a good excuse.

     Sigh....

     So, why do I have these three teenagers in my home if they are driving me this crazy?
Well...
1. One of them lives with me until she is done with college, has a job, and is able to live on her own...the other two are with me because their parents are homeless.
2. I love them. Yep. Even after all of that, I do love them.
3. I want to see them all succeed and I am willing to do what I can to help them accomplish that.

     There are things about them that I like...I will go in the same order I was bitching about them in...

     One of these girls is very personable. She has a very outgoing personality and is usually up for any challange you throw her way. Before she moved in with me, I rarely saw the snark and the disrespectful side of her. She was usually respectful, kind, and helpful. She is hard working and determined. If you ever got into a fight, she is the kind of girl you would want to have your back.

      The next one is funny. She has a way of telling a story that draws you in and makes you believe every word she is saying. She is very affectionate and sensitive to other's emotions/needs. She will go out of her way to help you at her own expense. If you ever needed a friend, you would go to her because she is willing to listen to whatever you have to say and eager to offer up advise or a shoulder to cry on.

     And finally...the last one. She is the sweetest person. She wouldn't hurt a fly on purpose. Life is often confusing for her and she looks to others for guidance. She wants to be guided and yet at the same time she is like this fragil butterfly. She is slowly coming out of her cocoon and learning more about herself everyday. When she looks to you for guidance, you feel special...almost blessed that she chose to trust you to guide her. She is one of the fragil, special souls in this world who need protecting. And once you meet her, there is something about her that makes you want to keep her safe.


     So, on top of the teenage girl drama, my husband has hit his limit with them too. So, I am trying to shield the girls from my husbands snark and frustration. BUT, even this mama has her limit too...

Last night, I exploded...

    I was sick for five days and during that time (while they were all on sabatical from school) very little got done. The clutter was building up...the house was messy...and I was trying to clean it.
    I did the counters twice, I did dishes twice, I was doing minor pickup, and trying to get the house moving in the right direction. I put a roast in the crock pot and left instructions for them to pull the roast at 6pm and make potatoes and corn  to go with it...simple right?
     When I got home at 6:30pm, dinner was done (cold but hey...I was the one who was late). I sat down, I ate...and I realized that all anyone had done all day was sit on their asses, make potatoes and corn, eat, and watch television. I looked at the dirty dishes on my counters and the flecks of potato all over the counters I had washed twice yesterday....

     And then it happened...

     One of the teenagers walked up to me, five minutes after I told my kids to hurry up and finish eating so they can take baths/showers, and said, I have no socks for tomorrow.

     And I snapped.

     It was basically "stay the fuck out of my way and just listen to me bitch while I clean" time. I sorted and started laundry, did the dinner dishes, cleaned and decluttered all of the counters, and I cleared off the tops of the cabinets! I went on a raving, crazy, cleaning frenzy...

     And guess what.

     For the first time since all of these teenagers moved in, my house is almost 100% clutter free. I felt so relaxed and calm today. I just simply cannot stand clutter. And from here on out, I will be the bitchiest person you have ever met with it comes to the clutter in the house. My home WILL be kept clean. I may have to do 95% of it on my own...I may piss off my entire household...but I don't give a flying fuck!

     My home must be clean. That is one of my oddities. The more cluttered my house gets, the more anxious I get. The anxiety continues to grow until something sets me off and I declutter the house. I know this about myself and usually I keep the clutter from getting that bad. But, I am the mama in the house and I was sick for almost a week (to be fair, one of the teenagers was gone most of the time).

     But, the problem is this. People keep making messes and leaving them for me to clean up. If I ask who made the mess....it was Cora and Ashley (my 8&9 year olds)...yeah...well...sometimes that is hard to believe...My children who haven't been home since yesterday when I dropped them off for a sleep over did it? Really? Or my kids who have been at school all day did it? Wow...they are talented.
     Do my kids make the mess? Yeah...about half of the time. But right now they are laboring under the strain of being constantly blamed for everything....The teenager leaves out a bottle of expensive perfume and is shocked and angry when my special needs 8 year old sprays the perfume on a few things...Then the teen tries to tell me the bottle was full and now, it's like, half gone!!!!...Huh...no. You showed it to me and yes, there is more gone than there was when I saw it last...but it wasn't anywhere near the amount you are claiming AND it was still your fault. Pick up after your own lazy ass and it wouldn't have happened.

     This evening, I told one of the teenagers it was bedtime now (yes, I have had to institute a bedtime for them). She got rude with me and told me she was finishing her conversation with her mother first. Well...excuse me little miss...but you live in my fucking house and what I say goes. I don't care if you are talking to God...get your ass in bed! But, no...she finishes the conversation with her mom and lazes her way to bed...and then half an hour later, her sister got home from work, and she got out of bed and came out to see her...
     NO! You go to bed and you go to sleep. If you can't sleep it is your own fault for napping after school! You are too old for naps! And when I told her to go to bed, she got snarky again! What is with this girl!

     I keep telling myself that this is good practice for when my kids are teenagers...That I will be banging my head against the wall then too...Only then, I won't be able to call their parents and demand that they do something with their ubber crabby kid...because they will be my kids. Lol...

Anyhow. I feel better now that I have vented a little...Tomorrow, the teenagers mom will hopefully call me and hear what I say. I love her daughter....but....I need her to step in and set her teen straight. This is my house, she follows my rules...or she can go live with her parents.

1 comment:

  1. As I read this, I kept picturing my sister and myself, lol. Penny literally cannot NOT be a bitch. The only way to deal with it is to just ignore it. I think that growing up, she actually relied on me to listen to her rant and be a bitch, and then just shrug and say, "Whatever." Because to her, EVERYTHING was a huge deal, but to me, it was all piddly shit and not worth caring about. I think she needed that perspective.
    But to be clear, I always listened to her and gave her advice. I was also the one that snuck into and looked through everything. You plan on writing to someone about me? Well OF COURSE I'm gonna read it!
    Over the years, I've learned that dealing with other people will ALWAYS make you crazy if you let it. Rather than let it make you crazy, you just have to let it go.
    (Tell them) You don't wanna do clean? You don't get to eat. Sorry! You don't want to put your stuff away? Mine now!
    Of course, you don't have to be mean about it. Half the fun is just putting something - such as an expensive perfume - somewhere it's not supposed to be. A nice little hidey hole. And then wait to see how long until it's owner misses it, lol!
    Now here's the part where I imitate you and say: I love you, I seriously do, but I think you are making one big mistake. When that teen came up to you and complained that she didn't have clean socks - you lost it and went on a rampage. You told them to stay out of your way and let you do everything. That's a BIG NO NO!
    I AM the lazy one! I seriously will wait until I either HAVE to do something because it needs to be done and no one else has done it, OR - much more likely - someone else has gotten sick of seeing whatever needs to be done and does it for me. It they yell at me while they do it, I shrug and ignore them. WHY? Because I was yelled at so often by my drunk step dad growing up that it became nothing more than the buzzing of a mosquito in my ear. I'm willing to bet these kids and their incompetent parents have also learn how to ignore yelling - it's a skill most kids learn actually.
    Therefore, the next time someone complains that YOU haven't done their laundry, gently bring them to the washer and drier and explain how to use them. THEN WALK AWAY. If they want clean clothes, they will wash them. If they don't, they'll suffer. They're TEENAGERS! For crying out loud! If they don't start doing things for themselves, then they will forever be dependent on others. Don't do everything for them! Because honestly, that's only reinforcing their bad behavior.
    More importantly, assign chores. Make up a list each day - or week - and give each of them things to do. Treat them like two year olds if you must and give them rewards - treats or money - OR require the chores in exchange for food and a place to sleep. You said it yourself when you said that they made corn and potatoes but did nothing else. Well you didn't TELL them to do anything else! It seems to me that they have learned to do - reluctantly and slowly - what they have to, but won't lift a finger if they're not required to.
    Stop banging your head on the wall and stop yelling at them in frustration. Simply take a deep breath and say: You want dinner? Wash the dishes. You want clean clothes? Wash them.
    Seriously, it works better than doing everything yourself and then getting pissed off about it.
    And lastly, do yourself a favor and learn to ignore the things that normally irritate you. Mind over matter, and all that, lol :-)
    Love you and hope things start working out, and also still praying for you and Doug :-)

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