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Saturday, May 11, 2013

This is my blog and I am tired of feeling like I can't use it!

So there =)

I finally finished the first two chapters of Aria's story ( I am at almost 46K for words...), and I was hoping that I could get some more writing done tonight...but that's not gonna happen.

My Elly intuition kicked in and said..."Somethings wrong in Elly world." So, now I am just jittery as all get out! Literally...I am shaky and anxious. If I didn't know better I would swear I was on the verge of a panic attack!

I keep walking around my house looking for something to do...anything to do to get my mind off of the way I feel...and it's not working.

On the plus side, I had an early mother's day lunch with my hubby today. A friend took our kids to the zoo while we hung out alone for a while...it was really nice.

I got to talk about how I am sad for no particular reason...I just am in a horrible Bi-Polar slump! I keep trying to push out of it...but this isn't a case of mind over matter.

I can force myself out of bed and I can force myself to put on a happy face...but I can't force myself to feel energized and happy. I just can't.

Thank goodness I have a therapist right now. She helps me to remember that I am doing about as well as a person can during this phase of Bi-Polar...

But, the feeling like I don't have the energy to move...the ability to just lose time (as in...time easily slips away from me and everything takes me three times longer to do than normal)...the inability to fall asleep and the inability to wake up....

Trumping all of that though is the Elly intuition right now. I just feel off...something isn't right. I am almost paranoid of what it is...and this hasn't happened this horribly since the night my Grandma Nana died. Major, life changing things are in motion right now...will it hit tonight, tomorrow, or next week? I don't know. I just know something is about to happen and it feels big.

Sigh...anyhow, other than that, my life is good. I am feeling more confident about a lot of things going on in my life.

Whew! See, I feel a little better for having written this...maybe it is enough of a relief to let me sleep. Early day tomorrow! Gotta go shopping with the kiddos for my mothers day present! And get the work van fixed...I hope I have enough money set aside for that....

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