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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

I don't know how to get this out of my mind!!!

Okay, this is going to take some back story....

So, a few years ago I met someone I am going to call "That woman". She was a "friend" of a "friend". Things seemed to be going great...and then the rose colored glasses I was wearing came off...

One day, she claimed to be pregnant for a second time. She showed me a picture of a pregnancy test that was positive. That woman was dating my little brother and for a moment I was elated! I was going to be an auntie again (other siblings have kids)! And then I hit what I thought was the home button and saw DOZENS of pictures on her phone of the pregnancy test. Some looked like they had been drawn on with colored pencils, some with pen, and some with markers. I hit the same button again and it brought me back to the home screen...I handed her phone back and tried to digest what I had seen. As a woman who has had 5 babies, I have taken a pregnancy test or two...or a dozen. Those pictures were obvious frauds.

A few days later she claimed to have had a molar pregnancy (placenta is there but there is no baby). BUT, she didn't know the name of the kind of pregnancy she had and claimed to have driven herself home from a DNC for a second time.

This stewed for months in my mind. She was dating my brother and he was still in his military training....I didn't want to cause any issues and I didn't want to be wrong...

And one day, I couldn't deal with it stewing in the back of my mind anymore and I started really thinking about it and searching my blogs (personal and public), my facebook messages, and my text messages...

#1. The first pregnancy she claimed to have had, she had her period while she was living with me...she never went to the doctors appointments she claimed to have had (thank you facebook for telling me where someone is sending me a message from) AND her "miscarriage" was clearly NOT a miscarriage. Anyone who has ever had one can tell when you lie about one of those....This may be one of those you had to be there kind of things...OF COURSE she couldn't tell me she was pregnant (like she had claimed to everyone else) when she was throwing her tampons and pads in MY garbage!!! AND, I gave her pain meds that month because her period was "excruciatingly painful". The other part that was weird is she claimed to have an ultrasound one day...and supposedly my brother was going with (the reason that was given for why me nor our mutual friend could go with). She left with 5 minutes to make it to the appointment...The issue with that is this....it is a 20 minute drive to where her appointment was...then, less than 45 minutes later I contacted her to see if she made the appointment (at that clinic if you are more than 5 minutes late for an ultrasound they reschedule you)...she claimed there was no heartbeat, OH and she had dropped my brother off along the way (now a 25 minute drive)....In 20 minutes there is NO possible way to have the appointment, have the doctor come in, AND drive all the way home...NO WAY!!! She lived 20-25 minutes from the doctors office!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To top it all off, at 7 weeks pregnant, if they didn't detect a heartbeat, they would reschedule you for a few weeks later...they don't even call it a miscarriage until you are 9 weeks with no fetal heart beat...If you are going to lie about something, at least educate yourself!!!!!!

#2 Then I realized that 3 weeks before she claimed to be 8 weeks pregnant, she claimed to have been in the hospital with "massive hemorrhaging" and told me that she had to have an emergency surgery to scrape her uterus....Well, if someone had to have emergency surgery it is standard practice to do a pregnancy test on a female...At FIVE weeks pregnant she would have been far enough along to have a positive test....easy....but, molar pregnancies are rare. And one of my sisters had one the year before....that was how that woman learned about it...but, she couldn't remember what it was called.

These are HUGE lies to me...

So, in early December, I told my brother who called me a liar. I offered to show him the messages I still had and I simultaneously contacted that woman and told her we needed to talk.

She didn't contact me.  Instead, three weeks later, my little brother came home on leave from the military, married her, and didn't invite anyone to the wedding (except our dad). In a LARGE family, that is just a slap in the face to everyone.

I went as far as telling my brother that if that woman could prove she was pregnant JUST ONCE I would retract all of my prior statements and apologize. I haven't heard from either of them since...

I DID go to get my house keys from her...She opened the door and told me to leave or she would call the police. She was living in MY DAD'S house at the time. My dad had to get her to give me back the key...But, when she slammed that door in my face, something in me just broke...

I suddenly knew a whole lot about my relationship with that woman...and I started looking back and realizing what a fucking idiot I was.

The first time that woman came to my house was because our mutual friend asked if she could bring her to my husbands birthday party. I said yes...At that party, she met my brother...

THE ONLY REASON THIS BITCH BEFRIENDED ME WAS TO GET CLOSE TO MY BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I fell for it...hook, line, and sinker.
The next week, That woman who had never wanted to come to my house before all of a sudden wanted to come over for coffee. She tentatively told me my brother was cute and asked for his number...

I openly admit to being very lonely and in desperate need of friends during this time. So, against my better judgement I asked my brother if I could give her his number. He said yes but was totally grossed out by the idea that SHE thought he was cute.

I didn't just befriend that woman, I made her a part of my family.When she lost her apartment, I let her live with me RENT FREE. When she needed medicine and was broke, I bought it for her.

When my brother started dating her I was shocked....but, I was even more shocked when he wanted to dump her and all of a sudden she was "pregnant"...Yep...she used that old ruse and it worked.

And where does all of this leave me?

Heartbroken.

My baby brother got married and I wasn't invited to the wedding because THAT WOMAN can lie better than I can tell the truth.

I haven't spoken to my brother (or that woman) in nine months.

My brother came home on leave and didn't come see me or my kids...

I have two little kids who were drug through this too. They were excited that woman was pregnant...twice they were told by her that she was going to have a baby and twice she was lying to their faces. To make matters worse, her LIES took their uncle away...At least once a week I get asked when they will see their Uncle again...

I have started telling them never. That their uncle and THAT WOMAN are never going to be allowed back into their lives again...Ironically, they seem to find comfort in that. I can handle being the bad guy...but I can't handle putting my kids back into a situation where they will be constantly lied to again...it hurt my kids deeply.

I tried to reach out to both my brother and THAT WOMAN...and they have chosen not to respond. Those choices are life long I am afraid.

My dad is mad that I refuse to back off of this stance, my sister is disgusted with me and is telling me that I just need to get over it...

Well...I am NOT the one who isn't responding and chose not to respond. I am not the one who had cut someone out of their lives...THEY CUT ME OUT FOR TELLING THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!

But I am the bad guy...

So please....tell me how to forgive someone who used you from the second they met you until the second you stopped believing their lies? How do you forgive your brother for choosing pussy over his family for the SECOND time in his life??? Don't forget...no one got invited to his wedding.

And if you answer these questions....please remember that I have two kids (now 10 & 11) who were brought on this rollercoaster with me...Their christmas present from their uncle was not being invited to his wedding...and they cried about it. They cried because he didn't come see him...and they are mad at that woman for taking their uncle away from them. My oldest daughter wrote a letter to THAT WOMAN begging that woman not to marry her uncle...begging her to just tell the truth and apologize for lying...I am NOT cruel enough to deliver a letter like that so I threw it away.

My heart hurts...like really bad...I am completely shattered inside over this situation. I have spent countless nights obsessing about this...and I just can't let it go...How the hell do people lie so much better than I tell the truth????

If I were in THAT WOMAN's situation...and I had actually been pregnant....I would have gotten the proof just to rub it in my face...and if she had every been pregnant, that's exactly what she would have done.

I miss my brother...I miss that woman...Somehow I thought I meant as much to them as they once meant to me.

I think that is what keeps me awake at night....I gave both of these people my all....and they destroyed my ability to ever trust anyone that much again...The combined betrayals broke me...

Even now, as I think (and write) about this, I get choked up, my chest constricts, and my heart physically aches.

Do I want my brother back? Yes...he's my baby brother.

Will I ever let these two back into my life? Well...honestly...I don't think so...but, to be fair, I don't ever see them trying either. But, my willingness to admit how bad they hurt me has made me out to be the bad guy...and I just don't get how or why.

Above and beyond everything, I am a mommy first. And my kids don't deserve to be put through the possibility of a second betrayal again. They don't deserve all of the pain they have endured because of these two people...and if I can prevent that from happening again, I will....If that makes me the bad guy, so be it.


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