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Sunday, March 15, 2015

Spiral over...now to dig myself out of the hole.

     I have spent the better part of the last year and a half in a bipolar down. I am hoping that it is going away...I have made marginal progress on a new book and every week things look a little better.

     But tonight, sigh, tonight...
 
     I have lost so many friends to my beliefs... So many people no longer in my life that I mourn... I just can't help but feel like ALL of them can't be wrong... something must be wrong with me.

     Is being a Christian really so terrible? Is having values so wrong? What is it about me that makes everyone decide they can't be my friend anymore???

    Okay...So Matthew said he couldn't be my friend because I don't believe in gay marriage.
The same thing was said (basically) by Amanda...
And Danni...
Sarah was just a liar who couldn't lie her way out of getting caught...though somehow I am the bad guy in that situation...And that situation taught me to never trust another person again. She shattered my heart and wouldn't even face me after all that she had done to me.
Jessie wanted sex, drugs, and alcohol more than she wanted a friend...

The list is longer but still...just these people are a lot to lose in five years.

I have no friends anymore.

Okay fine...I have like two that I talk to...sort of...sometimes.

I am super lonely and left alone with my thoughts...and right now my thoughts are this...

What is so bad about me that everyone leaves me?

I would love to be able to say I am great. I am working hard on my next novel...life is peachy keen. But, it's not. I'm lonely, and sad, and confused. I miss my brother and I miss my friends...

I know I have said this before but I am going to try to start blogging again. It is balm for my soul and helps me get the yuck out of my soul...

That's all for tonight...my super man is almost home and I don't want to be busy when he gets in :) He always makes me smile.

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