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Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Can't wait to go back to Minnesota!!!

I am taking a trip home in June with my two girls. Unfortunately, finances will not allow my husband to take the time off of work this year :(

I am super excited to go back and see my family and friends! But, I am really sad my husband isn't coming with. I am actually afraid that my anxiety is going to cause a lot of issues on this trip...So, I am staying at a familiar hotel, in a familiar area, and hoping that is enough to squash the anxiety...at least to a dull roar.

My girls are doing well...their mommy isn't. I am TRYING. I am giving all I have to my kids...but once again, that isn't saying much. I am pretty lucky that between their friends and their electronics, they really haven't noticed how bad I am doing...

But the bad isn't my mental health right now. I am having gall bladder attacks that just suck! At some point I am going to have to go into a doctor and find out what I can do to make them go away...or get the damn thing out!!! I would never have known it if I hadn't experienced it, but gall bladder attacks are awful! My stomach feels like I am being cut in half! Laying down makes it worse, hunching over makes it worse...the only relief is to get up and walk. As long as I am moving I can tolerate the pain. Sigh...I need to find a doctor that takes my insurance. This doesn't just suck, this could become a medical emergency if I don't take care of it.

Other than the gallbladder attacks, things are going well. My anxiety medication allows me to sit still with out the jitters and my bipolar medication seems to be helping me lift out of the pit of despair I was trapped in for 16 months...I mean I am far from being "okay" but I am better than I was last October.

I guess that is all for now...

Monday, April 6, 2015

Oh child....

     So, my oldest broke her viola that we are renting from the school. She gets told by her teacher to get it fixed. Period.

     She is 12 so obviously they want us to pay for it...but in looking at it, it was PREVIOUSLY BROKEN IN THE SAME SPOT!!! So, it probably wouldn't have broken if it was properly repaired the first time.

     Do you have any idea how far I am going to have to drive this thing to get it to a repair shop? They don't just have viola repair stores around the corner from me.

     Sigh...but, what can I do. As a parent, I have to get it fixed...though I still say she shouldn't be responsible for it in the first place. This is NOT a viola in good shape. It has been repaired multiple times so that means it has been broken multiple times. Sigh...where am I going to find the money for this? It is going to end up coming out of the going home to MN fund but I really really do NOT want to do that! This could mean not going home this year and I really need this trip.

     No, I really need the trip home. My anxiety is so bad right now that I have officially been put on anti-anxiety meds. All I want is to be surrounded by my family for a week (my aunts and cousins and my mom and my dad).

     Anyhow, Ashley has a cold...but with her and her issues it means she is constantly picking her nose and eating her boogers!!! EWWW! She thinks it is funny that we react with horror when we catch her. I am just about at my wits end and I have no idea how to make her stop. But I recently read an article saying that picking your nose and eating it isn't bad for you...(gross, I know).

     My ass was run into the ground today. Just wanted to do a quick update before I lay down for a nap and await my husbands return. This working all the time thing sucks. I miss my husband.